Living with fear in your mind. Part 1

I have not written a blog post for a while and over the next few blog posts you will realise why and I will take you on my journey over the past few months as well as a few years back to give you the bigger picture.

So firstly, let’s throwback to 20 years ago. It’s 1999 and I have a daughter of six months old. We are living in a 2 bedroom maisonette, our first home together, that we bought when I was pregnant and moved into in May 1998. Our daughter was born in September. One Saturday, I had a really bad headache, a headache like I’ve never had in my life. I thought if I go to bed early, when I wake up, it will be gone. I woke up on Sunday morning and it had. Great. Thought nothing more of it. Monday afternoon and we are about to take my car to my uncle’s garage to get something on it fixed. I tell my husband, I am just going to have a quick bath before we go.

Our bathroom door never had a lock on it since we moved in and never really felt the need for it. My hubby would often come in for a chat while I took a bath and vice versa. This particular day though, was not like any other. I started to have a seizure in the bath! If he had not been there, I would have drowned and that would have been the end of me…however he held me and let the water go down the plug hole.

I was taken to hospital as he’d called an ambulance. They did a few checks like ‘what day is it?’, ‘who’s the prime minister?’ That kind of thing and said ‘everyone has at least one seizure in their life’ and sent me home.

Sadly, not long after, I had another seizure and one in the actual reception of A&E. They kept me in…I was there having numerous scans and tests, including a lumber puncture. The seizures began to become more frequent. I was moved to the National hospital in London for more tests and more scans. Seizures became 2-3 minutes apart and they wanted to put me into a coma. My hubby said he would think about and discuss it with my mum etc. He didn’t want to let them do it.

That evening they tried a new drug on me, it’s called Phenobarbital and is apparently the cheapest drug available. It completely changed me and began controlling the seizures!! I had a blood clot on the brain which was causing the seizures. My hubby said when the nurse came back to work that morning she said she was scared to look round the corner to my bed as she didn’t think I’d make it through the night!!  My poor family are the ones who suffered the most as I was ‘out of it’ most of time!

I am on medication for life but have been seizure free for 9 years roughly.  Of course I live with it at the back of my mind as you never know when you could have one , but I try and live my life as normal and continue to always do so.  I do not let it rule my life.  I am grateful for each day.

I hope I have not bored you all too much and my next post will be fast forward 20 years to 2019 and what a year I’ve had so far.

Gratitude and Positivity

Just a quick post for the day – a thought for the day really – be grateful for all the things you have in life rather than focus on what you do not have.
I am so lucky to have my family, a wonderful home and love in it. Lucky to be alive to feel this gratefulness and love.
Have a good day all and look at what you have around you that makes you feel good…

Dubai 2014

So as was half term last week and to continue the birthday celebrations we went to Dubai!!!

This was our fourth visit there and we went for 4 days, 5 nights…

We have done most of the ‘touristy’ things before, like the desert safari twice and once even did the helicopter ride over Dubai which I think was the most awesome.
This time we went up the Burj Khalifa. Last time we went, we left the day before it opened!!

Amazing views from up there…I read that the best time to up is an hour before sunset, which we did.
Also booked tickets online a month before the day we went up. It’s cheaper that way rather than paying on the day and at least you will be guaranteed tickets for the time you want. That time gets very busy and are normally sold out as most people want to go up at that time.

We stayed up there for about an hour and a half and then saw the sunset and watch it get darker and the street lights eye come on…

We had a fantastic time for all 4 days we were there and my daughter has lived it there since she was 5 years old!!

We didn’t want to leave. The weather was still hot and dry. Around 35 degrees Celsius daily. Still in the 30s in the evenings but didn’t find this too uncomfortable.
Infact I love going out when it’s still warm in the evening. Nothing better!!

Oh well, back to reality now!! Sadly !

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The BIG 40!!!

So yesterday I turned the BIG 40!!
People asking how I feel…

I feel no different to the day before! As we don’t with all birthdays. When we turned 11 after 10, still felt the same…I certainly don’t feel 10 however!

I feel very content and happy with my life though and am happy to be 40 and to be alive and be with my family.
Will have celebrations all weekend long and this is what life is all about.

Met up for coffee with a long lost friend today. Haven’t seen eachother for years and now our daughters are at the same school!! Great catching up for a good chat.

So now looking forward to my Michael Kors bag which is on its way and our holiday at the end of the month!!

Life is great at 40!!